There are no words to describe the joy
Of discovering the conception of your baby.
Tears of amazement, checking more than once,
Phone calls asking is it it a yes, no, maybe,
To relatives too far away to see blue lines.
The tears of pride of the grandparents to be
As we drunk a toast to the first born grandchild
With an just an orange juice for me.
A scan to see the tiny speck of a growing child,
Bobbing around like a miniature toy spaceman.
Grand dad was home when I popped in for tea
Granny to be was out so a weekend visit was the plan.
A phone call to say how are you, are you visiting
And a memory of putting the receiver down,
Pausing as I realised I didn’t say Love You.
Life took over and gone was the temporary frown.
A second call that evening as the world crumbled under my feet,
We need you at the hospital, mum’s been taken ill
The longest journey on the Northern line, time slowed down,
And all the time a panic swelled in me, ready to spill
Out in tears of what’s happened amongst agonisingly long minutes.
Then we could finally see her after scans and tubes and care
In ICU on life support and the green bleeping lines of life
Clinging on in a body of a person no longer there.
So a new life beginning, a young life snuffed out,
A grief not fully relinquished, a new joy, bitter sweet
The burdens of motherhood and of being a reason to live,
To get out of bed in the morning as my baby needed to eat.
And as he grows I see her in him, the floppy hair and lovely grin
I think how she would of spoilt him, taken him to the park
Made him listen to Motown whilst cooking Sunday dinner
Singing along so badly that dogs would howl and bark.
Amazing how your life can change in a week,
The best moment followed by the worst
That’s going to be a hard week to beat.
And as the 15th anniversary approaches
Of the joy and heartache of life
I’ll raise a glass of barcardi, Change my FB photo too
And think of you Sitting on the Dock of the Bay
With Purple rinses, like we planned to do.
I found this poem I wrote just over two years ago and I had forgotten about. I don’t usually share my poems as they are very personal, few and far between and not very good. This one made me feel proud and after a lot of thought, it’s here for you to share. Cherish your loved ones this Holiday as it could be your last and then enjoy yourself as others before you would want you too.
sewingnikki 